Tis the season

Tis the season, for the nasty, grimy toddler germs to be spread like wildfire. My poor little man has been battling a nasty cold for over 2 weeks. So naturally, I take him to the pediatricians office. God love my pediatrician, but YIKES!! I think during this season, we should all be in bubble wrap before we step through the door. I swear I cleaned off about 90 boogers, 20 coughs, and probably a fruit snack or too.

Anyways, turns out Connor has a bacterial infection and got antibiotics. Fingers crossed we both get some sleep tonight!!


oh yea, I forgot to tell you...I GET A MOMS NIGHT OFF tomorrow! Hell ya!

Onset bipolar Ones

First off, let me say I'm sorry for disappearing for so long. My son chucked my laptop like it was a generic brand toy! I got a new laptop and I'm ready to go baby!!

Okay, so over the last few weeks, I have noticed that Connors attitude has become a little more than I can handle. Wait a tick, the kid isn't even two yet! Doesn't the bad attitude start around that age? Terrible Twos right? WRONG!! I have decided to finally diagnose these terrible attitude to "Onset bipolar Ones"


"Onset bipolar Ones" What's that you ask? Well, it describes the gremlin personality my little man shows when I say the word No, or take away something he shouldn't be playing with. Then he can all of sudden, come up to me and give me a hug and a kiss and start playing by himself peacefully all over again. Bipolar I say!! Bi-freakin-polar!


There, for all you mothers out there who need a diagnoses to explain why your one yr old is acting this way! I found that the best coping strategies is to tell yourself your child will cure aids or breast cancer one day. It makes that tantrum a little easier to deal with.


Sincerely,
just plain ole maxed out mama

Beautiful Babies

My latest addiction binge , aka Target, resulted in this conversation:

Lady waiting in the checkout line: Hello baby!
Looks at me: What ethnicity are you?

Me: Mexican

Lady: OHHH!! your people make such beautiful babies, look at this little guy!

Seriously, my people? Interesting. Lady, I promise I did not just hop over the boarder yesterday. Also, while I'm at it, is what you said even politically correct anymore? I think not. But thanks for the compliment, he is devilishly handsome.

Ever since I've had my sweet cheeks Connor, I get such sweet, awkward, impolite statements ever. People will never cease to amaze me. What nutty things have people said to you or your babies?

Sincerely,
maxed out Mexican, mama

above is a picture of Connor and all his mommy's mexicaness haha

Mom Purse

Look in your purse right now. Not your designer purse, the one you actually carry around every where with you. What's in there? I bet it looks a lot different from pre-baby purse. Here's a breakdown of mine


Pre-Baby
1) Cell phone
2) Wallet
3) Tampons
4) Lip Glosss


Post-baby
1) Cell phone with mucky screen from sticky baby fingers
2) Wallet
3) Tampons ripped out of the wrapper because Connor found them interesting on the car ride to Grandmas
4) Lip Gloss with cap missing
5) 5 half eaten animal crackers
6) a toy car
7) boogie wipes, for me not toddler ( i fell in love with those bad boys )


what's in your purse?

Sincerely,
purse is maxed out, mama


My purse may be a disaster, but I love that every where I go, I have a little piece of Connor.

I heard Elmo has a room for rent..

I heard Elmo has a room for rent, and he wants his rent to be paid in live goldfish and crayons.

After watching a minimum of 3 toddler friendly shows a day, I've come to the conclusion I wish I could be turned into a furry, red pubescent 'it'. Sure, you may have to back talk a shade who refuses to open on your demand, or live around two homosexual men who refuse to admit they are in a relationship, but shit, that Elmo has it made! That millionaire ginger gets to eat, play and enjoy life at no cost' or if anything the currency is gum balls. That lucky bastard.

While I'm at it. I want to live in Mickey Mouse Clubhouse world too. Why? Because Minnie can all the homemade banana nut bread she wants, and that dress still fits her! I think that rule could apply to me, Lord knows I need it to! Mickey pays for gas in gum balls in a recent episode. That's nice, I'm glad Mickey and the gang aren't getting hit by the recession. I might be wrong, the price could have gone up to 3 gum balls a gallon versus one gum ball. Don't even get me started on Toodles. I want my own damn floating mickey shaped head to give me four options to every life challenge, for example:

My husband wants sex, I don't..
OHHHHH TOODLES...

1) A headache
2) Your Aunt Flow
3) The baby started crying
4) The mystery mouse-ka-tool

Oh Toodles, I think I will go with a headache! Whew, thank heavens for that toodles.

Last but not least, Special Agent Oso. Creepy stuffed-not-very-smart-bear. Enough said.

What tv shows just really bug you? Im intrested to find out!

Sincerly,
Maxed out of unrealistic toddler shows, but secretly still like them, mama : )

Up all night

"Yeah, because raising a human is no work at all..."

Alright chicas, if you haven't watched it yet, tune into "Up all Night" on NBC. Every 2 minutes, I was relating to something those two crazy once myself parents were going through. Lets recap, shall we? yes, yes we shall!

1) My ass is to fat
Besides the point that Christina Applegate still looks hot even after 'giving birth' I loved the fact she struggled to get her ass in that pre-baby pencil skirt. Shit, she doesn't have anything on me. I was still struggling to get into my belly band at 6 months post partum. Ya, I just admitted that.

2) Old School
When you're a new parent, you test the waters to see if you can still be as kickass with nightlife like you once were before. That first time Chad and I got to go out, I was in bed by 9pm. I couldn't hang. I tried. I failed. No way in hell was I going to even try what the parents in this show did. I had to literally 'LOL' when the dad was drinking in the club and yelled "My baby will be up in 2 hours' as he danced in the dance club with a drink in his hand. That's what I like to call DOOM.


Overall I was pretty pleased with this show. It shows how drastically your life will change once you have a baby. I would have liked it to be a little bit funnier, but I'll tune in again. Once you had your baby, what drastic change did you make in your lifestyle? Im curious to hear.


Sincerly,
Maxxed out of pre baby nightlife, mama

Caught ya!

Have any of you ever had disagreements with your spouses about feeding your children certain foods? No? Oh that's a damn shame. It's a wonderful way to spend my valuable time...NOT!

I get my husband wants to 'bond' with Connor, so he thinks it's always fun to snack with him. Well, not when it's my husbands food preferences. My husband could survive off pizza, chips, Mcdonalds, and just junk food. Which is not so great for his health ( he better have some damn good life insurance!) Anyways...we were at my in-laws the other day and I noticed my husband, Connor and my niece all sitting around the candy jar. I made sure to ask if he gave Connor any of the M&Ms in the jar, because the last thing I need is a toddler who gets an upset tummy and chocolate all over his clothes. Here's how our conversation went....

Me: Hey, what are you doing? You didn't give him any did you?

Husband: Ummmm.....noooooo? (long and paused out like he got caught red handed)

4 year old niece: hahahah, unckey chad....

Yep, I knew he did it. No big deal, but at least tell me! It was a running joke all weekend that he didn't and wouldn't give our 16 month old M&ms. Wellllllllllll guess what I found this morning? That's right, a poopy diaper with a little brown circle with a white M&M labeled on it...Caught ya! What did I do? Took a picture of the nasty piece of poo and texted it to my husband. Tisk Tisk! C'mon silly men, lies are for rugs!

Chad: 0 Erica: 1

Iv'e created an air snob

Okay, so I'll admit it. I'm a gosh damn air snob. I love me some man made, artificial air. I think this sick habit of mine has rubbed off on my toddler.

Now, I've noticed this preference from Connor time to time when I roll the windows down a bit, or turn a fan on with the windows open in the house. He gets down right pissed every freakin' time. It's not normal toddler pissed either, it's I'll rip your mommy face off, pissed. So I'll roll up the windows and blast the air in the car, or shut the windows and flick on the home air conditioning and he's a happy camper again. What the fuck, how does he even know the air is on? This ain't this first rodeo, that's how. I think in a previous life, he was like some kind of Hulk, bossy type...I just know it. Or maybe it's because his mommy is the same way...nah, I'll blame past life.

So today, it's a beautiful fall day, and I have my gosh damn windows closed with the air set at around 75 to just keep it cool enough in here. Why? Hulk started turning green as soon as he saw me turn the air off and open a window. So, in attempt to keep him happy and sweet, I'm footing a nice electric bill during the FALL season.

It's my fault...he's his mothers' son. I created an air snob. What odd habits have your children created?

Sincerly,
maxed out my electric bill, mama

ToTo, we aren't in babyweight land anymore.

Yesterday, Connor turned 16 months, I never thought I would see this day, or my old ass again. Turns out, I was right about one of those things....my old ass.

Once Connor hit about 6 months, I was mentally ready to start getting back into shape. I had a goal to be a MILF. I didn't want to be one of 'those' moms who sounded like this:

THOSE MOMS: "You're losing weight too, OH, how awesome! Oh, you're losing baby weight too, even more awesome! Ya, I'm losing my baby weight too...."

6 MONTH POST-PARTUM, NO IDEA HOW HARD THIS IS GOING TO BE, ME: "Oh, good for you. How old is your baby?"



THOSE MOMS: " 3 years old"

6 MONTH POST-PARTUM, NO IDEA HOW HARD THIS IS GOING TO BE, ME: *Thinking to myself* Yikes, that's not baby weight anymore crazy lady.

Fast forward to now...HELL YES, it's still baby weight! I declare it baby weight until he's of legal age to down a margarita with me! I never knew how hard it would be to lose this weight! Granted, I lost 30 pounds but that doesn't make sneaking in the goldfish leftover from Connors' lunch any better. Or for that matter, finishing off his PB&J or his Gerber Spaghetti rings (damn those things are awesome )

Please tell me Im not the only mama still losing baby weight 16 months later...

Sincerly,
maxed out of my pants, mama

Baby has taken over the world....

So after a long day with just me and the little man, all I wanted to do was relax in a baby free zone. The baby was in bed, the husband was fed ( I'm a poet and didn't even know it ) and I was ready for a relaxing bath with a Styrofoam cup of fresh Mcdonalds diet coke. You'll notice I'm addicted to that crap the more you read my blog

Anyways, I start to relax and look up and see nothing but Connors' bath toys and I left Sgt McQuacks' ( yes, we name his toys, we're lame ) on the facet.

It's funny, there's probably not one place in this house that's not baby-fied.Even when I want to 'get away' a mother never fully 'gets away'!

(Can you tell I always have my
iphone with me to snap pics)


Am I alone here? Is every spot in your house affected by the little bambinos?

Sincerly,
maxed out of mama space, mama

Why, O Why?

....Am I watching Britney Spears's 'I wanna go' music video for the 23rd time today? Keep in mind, it's only 12:30 in the afternoon. I'll tell you why.


Once in the car, this damned song came on the radio, AGAIN, and I thought it was so cute when Connor started bobbing his head and singing 'Ah Ah Ah Ah' every time he heard Mrs. Spears herself. This unfortunately led me to tune in to VH1s Jump Start music videos and let Connor actually watch the music video. BIG FLIPPIN' MISTAKE!

Now, the whole household has to suffer when we are watching this video for the 30th time. I keeps him happy. He sings and plays with his toys while it's on. I guess I should be thankful. I can wash a few dishes, actually brush my hair. This video is like crack for babies.

Maybe Britney should market this! Nah, it would make me wanna go-ooo-ooo-- off a damn bridge.

Ahh, the things I do to occupy my toddler. What great lengths have you gone through?

- Sincerly
Maxed out of my mind with britney, mama

Now and Then..

Alright, it's officially fall. My favorite time of year. It's a cool 66 degrees out there and I broke out my favorite type of clothing....baggy : ) It's the only time of year, I look thinner than what I really am! Not only are the clothes better, so is the food, the football and general fall activities! Pre-baby I would never be home, but let's see how things are now different.


THEN: Sunday morning, sleep in till 1030 am, just in time for the NFL pre-game show to start. Take time to look hot, in my NFL gear, cute little bow in my hair head off to the bar with my husband. Drink beer till 9 pm, eat chicken wings till I was in a food coma and yell and scream with the other drunks in the bar!

NOW: Wake up at 630am. Slip on my NFL hoodie, with my hair in a greasy messy bun, because let's be honest, after picking up a shit ton of toys on the floor the night before, Id rather sleep than shower. Get hoodie covered in baby yogurt, fruit snacks and boogers all before 1030am. Turn on the game, and fill up sippy cups of juice, get poop on my face, and take a nap during halftime. Repeat.


THEN: Go to a festival, with just cash in my back pocket, stuff my face with crap like funnel cakes, a beer or two and walk away with some fun jewerly for myself or other random junk I wont be able to find in a year.

NOW: Pack diapers, wipes, sippy, toys, hats, extra clothes, snacks, more toys, blankets, books and load the baby and the huge stroller in the backseat. Drive away to the festival. Turn back around because we forget the meca of baby items, binkie, our savior. Go to the festival, share some boring frozen fruit with baby, walk around for 20 minutes until baby starts screaming. Then pick up the baby to make him happy, until you decided your back is about to give out and decide to just go home. I also learned that Connor can yell louder than the normal festival crowd and live band combined. Talent, pure talent.

Yep, things sure have changed around here. I'm gonna get all corny and crap and say, I would't change it for the world though! My bubs is worth every bit of puke and poop on my face...for today anyways : )

Snot cereal, the new facial

Do you ever have moments when you think 'this is so mommyhood?' You have? Great! You've probably had a moment like mine!

Earlier this week, I am feeding Connor his bowl of Cherrios (because I was way to lazy to prep something better...it's 7am...give me a break ) I bring the spoon to his mouth, and the kid sneezes as soon the spoon hits his tongue! Snot, cereal and milk flew all over my face!

It was like slow motion....each and every single of piece of snot boogers, and bits of cheerios was coming at me. I swear I even heard the 'splat' noise when each piece hit my face. What's worse, my mouth was open as I said 'NOOOOOOOOOOO' You can imagine where some other pieces landed I'm sure.

Of course, my son thought it was hilarious! Connor: 27---Mommy 0. That little stink wins again.

I deserved a sticker too!

Yesterday was Connors' 15th month appointment! I didn't think I would make it this far!

So you know, in my causal manner, I dress Mr. Man and slid on some flip flops with my hair in a rats' nest of a 'bun and away we go to his appointment! The moment I walk in, I always tell myself "Why the BEEP did you come in here lookin' a hot mess!?" Are pediatricians offices code for cat walk? That memo must have fallen out of my take home packet from the hospital. How the BEEP do these women have the chance to look like they hopped right off a fashion magazine?

Anyways our name gets called back and share the same ole' banter we always share with the nurse. It goes a little something like this:

Nurse "Look how big you've gotten Connor!"
Connor: blank stare
Nurse: "Connor how old are you?"
Connor: blank stare with little enthusiam
Nurse: "Are you ready for your shots big man?'
Me: Blank stare and thinking "ya right, are YOU ready for the screams?"
Connor: blank stare


My monster gets weighted, and measured, exercising his lungs...aka. screaming his little head off. Great! We haven't even gotten to the shots yet, and he's already making the other babies in the office cringe. He gets 3 shots that day. The worst is holding his arms down. I feel like he's going to pay me later for being an accomplish to this terrible thing called immunizations. Of course like a blubbering idiot I ball my eyes out along with him. Then the nurse turns around and comes back with stickers...

"Which sticker would you like" she said. Me acting all cutesy with the baby, says "Yay Connor, you derseve a sticker, which one would you like? The nurse than looks at me and says "No, I was asking which one you wanted, those shots looked tough on you mom"

Connor and I walk past the supermodel moms waiting in the lobby sporting our "see spot" stickers proudly on our t-shirts like we're badass and go on our merry little way! We made another immunization dr appointment! We totally kick ass.

I just had a 20 minute conversation with myself about eating a cookie! It went kind of like this.

Me: " I don't need you no-bake cookie"

Cookie: "YUMMMMMMMMMYYYY"

Me: "Damn it, you look so good, maybe I can exercise an extra 20 minutes? Oh who the hell am I kidding? I don't even want to work out today. Maybe running around with the baby will magically burn 350 calories."

Cookie: "GOOOOOODDD"

Me: "I DON'T NEEEEED YOU!! "

Cookie: "You wont this battle but not the WAR!"

Yep, I'm certifiably fat and crazy! Lately, Ive been following my Jenny Craig Program and running (which isn't a pretty sight--think whale out of water!) But the little temptations are hard to pass up throughout the day. I mean, I am chasing a crazed toddler around all day, I deserve a taste of betty crocker heaven!

Who am I kidding? I gotta get my ass into shape! Especially after my husband smacked my ass last night, and it just stopped jiggling this morning!

What measures have the other mamas taken to get the weight off?

Suckerpunch!

Not my post for the day, but I had to post that my 15 month old just suckerpunched me right in the kisser...and he laughed! Oh Vey!

NO? What's that

So, my toddler has successfully learned to push over his lock in place baby gates. Yep, OH SHIT is completely right. My little man may be a man of few words but this isn't his first rodeo.

My 15 month old can only say about a handful of words, but don't let that cute chubby cheeked monster fool ya. He knows what he's doing. That stink, will willfully RUN to the stairs, waiting for you to say those overused words 'NO' I mean, that's like telling me to put down the cake....no just wont work. Connor goes on his happy trail, tears down the baby gate and darts for the top of the stairs like Rocky Balboa.

So, what is this mama to do? Time out? Ya right! The kid is a monkey, he scales the walls! Spanking? First of all, I'm a softie (both physically and mentally ) so that wont work.

What are your methods? If anyone is even listening?